AW YEAH Childish Gambino

remember my obsession with childish gambino?

definitely roadtripping with the ladies to go to his concert at u of i in april.

best. choice. ever.

probably only going to see him with his shirt off. nbd.

How to survive finding out you have a heart defect.

1. Take a bunch of photos... especially of the hospital wrist band thing since you've never had one before. be prepared for all the old folk in the cardiac area to judge you and give you disapproving looks for this.

2. ladies, for the love of god, please get your little behind to Topshop...why you ask?!

uuuh cause they are having a massive sale!!

all the sale items are buy one get one free PLUS a 20% student discount on top of that.

so that's like 70% off. 

(no promises on that math, I'm a history major for a reason)

Plus, after finding out you have a heart defect, your momma is much more likely to buy you clothes.

Proven theory folks.

3. Eat suuuper healthy.

gotta beat that stroke risk yo!

ok, so in my defense, the ranch definitely exploded on my salad..at least I tried?

while eating, take awkward photos of your momma (:

aww yeah, she's going to be super pleased to see this on the internet.

4. Attempt to take outfit photos in downtown Chicago... a lot harder than you think.

but the results, while mildly embarrassing at first, are actually quite hilarious

artsy?

I feel like I make this face more often than I think..

so close to being good! 

clearly I was frustrated. and wearing green pants. 

5. Have a ladies night with your roommates...and finally exchange christmas gifts (our excuse is that we're young?)

here's some tidbits into our lives:

"you know what gets me hot right now?"

"well mine's eye lips and face!!

...agnes, that's the brand name."

"well your reindeer is a mudblood!"

"that smells good, who just put shit on?"

"I'm going to activate my thing.... silence."

yeah, we're cool.

I finally got a puppy!

ps. It's also the anniversary of my dad's death today so I'm taking today to celebrate his life. my momma tells me some wonderful stories about him and how much he loved all of us and loved to show us off. 

plus he had mad fashion sense.

Ain't no mountain high enough.

so the heart test was good and bad.

good in that I do not have to surgery in the near future.

I also do not have the heart defect they thought I had.

bad in that I have a completely different heart defect.

and it has not relation to the heart flutters I've been having.

so it's back to square one on the flutters, and now I officially have a heart defect.

frustrating. but no surgery.. so good?

typically, unless they find this defect when you're little, they don't fix it.

not because the technology doesn't fix, mostly just because you can live with it.

and the surgery (depending on what type you have) can be pretty invasive. 

but, with this defect, I'm also at a pretty high risk of having a stroke under the age of 50.

and this defect if what causes my ridiculously painful headaches.

plus, my family history with heart attacks and various other heart problems is not so hot.

i'm not entirely sure how i feel about just living with something they have the ability to fix.

seems kinda risky.

but surgery is kinda risky also.

but I got cleared to go to Guatemala and Tunisia this summer...

and next year is now more of my own choice to make (not.a.clue.what.to.do)

but I can never scuba dive...

or climb a mountain.

so in reality, Aretha Franklin, there truly is a mountain high enough.

(too soon?)

Words of Wisdom

Judgement Day.

remember all those heart problems I was having that I've been ignoring?

 well, my transesophageal echocardiogram is tomorrow morning. 

life is about to get real.

I don't think I've been this scared before in my life.

since this test was so far away a month ago,

I've mostly been ignoring it since there was much else to do but wait.

which, if you know me fairly well, will know that that is incredibly frustrating to me.

I love planning. I swear to god I plan almost every area of my life. I worry too much. I hate when things are out of my control,

all which is all these heart problems have been.

it has literally thrown everything up in the air.. whether I'll really able to graduate this year, whether I can go to Guatemala in May, whether I'll get to study abroad in Tunisia this summer.

and the big one is it has made me have to re-think what I'm doing next year.

I really wanted to go away, like LA or NY. 

but that's not realistic if I have open-heart surgery, so my revised plan is to go to University of Iowa and start my Masters of Public Health. 

which I kind of feel is like settling. 

and I've worked so hard this past 3 years to graduate a year early,

and to have adventures.

not to settle. 

but I know my health is the most important.

and as rough as it is, the timing is probably the best it could be.

my momma freshly retired so she can make it in for my appointments.

I'm almost done with school.

and my support system between my family, friends, professors, and bosses is amazing. 

too.blessed.to.be.stressed.

ok, but for real, I can't eat for like 10 hours tomorrow between preparing for the test/my throat being numbed/being put under... so I had a last meal!

of sushi, blueberries, and E.L. Fudge cookies.

also, my momma is going to be the biggest saint tomorrow for putting up with me.

I'm going to be craaanky from not eating, and then I'll have to take pain meds (Valium I'm told) on an empty stomach. gonna be a blast! 

wish me luck!

DAYUM.

today was jam packed with adventures.

jennifer and I ventured over to Evanston (classy class!)

I had to finish some christmas shopping for the roomie christmas this week.

obviously, we're real punctual with our holidays. 

but if this means the christmas tree stays up longer, I'm totally ok with it.

ok but for real, jj and I decided that trips to Evanston need happen much more often.

mostly because there's a whole foods (:

their salad bar is seriously the bomb.com

and I finally got a new water bottle.

my old one made this absolutely horrific sound whenever I used.

seriously, my boss would laugh EVERY time I drank out of it. 

not cool.

it's massive.

and it has a straw.

so I no longer have any excuses not to drink a ton of water.

I also went to the fitness class, total body conditioning.

and DAYUM. (hence the post title)

I was sweating within the first 5 minutes.

I'll be lucky if I can get out of bed in the morning. so sore. 

but if this is what'll make my booty look good, tbc it is.

Long hair, don't care.

remember that whole No Shame November project?

well folks, I've decided it's going to be a No Shame Semester.

why?

a.) it's my last one.

b.) I'll be leaving the city come summertime

c.) heart problems=reality check. no day should be wasted on anything that doesn't make you happy.

d.) I've been ungodly stressed the whole time I've been in college, and I want one semester without the pressure/stress/non-stop. too blessed to be stressed.
e.) I actually am growing my hair out so the title fits, might as well embrace it.

for real, this kid is all about long hair, don't care.

also, kat sent me a link to this site: My High School Boyfriend was Gay.

this photos are HILARIOUS.

it's on the same level as that ugly wedding dress website.