remember all those heart problems I was having that I've been ignoring?
well, my transesophageal echocardiogram is tomorrow morning.
life is about to get real.
I don't think I've been this scared before in my life.
since this test was so far away a month ago,
I've mostly been ignoring it since there was much else to do but wait.
which, if you know me fairly well, will know that that is incredibly frustrating to me.
I love planning. I swear to god I plan almost every area of my life. I worry too much. I hate when things are out of my control,
all which is all these heart problems have been.
it has literally thrown everything up in the air.. whether I'll really able to graduate this year, whether I can go to Guatemala in May, whether I'll get to study abroad in Tunisia this summer.
and the big one is it has made me have to re-think what I'm doing next year.
I really wanted to go away, like LA or NY.
but that's not realistic if I have open-heart surgery, so my revised plan is to go to University of Iowa and start my Masters of Public Health.
which I kind of feel is like settling.
and I've worked so hard this past 3 years to graduate a year early,
and to have adventures.
not to settle.
but I know my health is the most important.
and as rough as it is, the timing is probably the best it could be.
my momma freshly retired so she can make it in for my appointments.
I'm almost done with school.
and my support system between my family, friends, professors, and bosses is amazing.
too.blessed.to.be.stressed.
ok, but for real, I can't eat for like 10 hours tomorrow between preparing for the test/my throat being numbed/being put under... so I had a last meal!
of sushi, blueberries, and E.L. Fudge cookies.
also, my momma is going to be the biggest saint tomorrow for putting up with me.
I'm going to be craaanky from not eating, and then I'll have to take pain meds (Valium I'm told) on an empty stomach. gonna be a blast!
wish me luck!