re-framing

so last week, I got up the courage to try on some of the dresses that have been hanging in my closet since last spring/summer.

why was I nervous?

because I had this idea firmly planted in my head that none of these dresses fit anymore and if I even attempted to try them on, I would end up feeling like junk wishing I was thinner etc, etc. so the dresses stayed in the back of my closet for months taunting me because even though I was avoiding trying them on so I didn't feel like junk, the whole act of avoiding trying them on also felt like junk. interesting.

so on thursday I decided to try on the dress I wore for graduation last spring..... and realized it fit! . I tried on another dress, and this one fit also, and so on and so forth.

the difficult part in all of this was that even though they all fit, the dresses all fit a little different than I remembered. some were a bit snug, some were shorter than I thought, some were not flattering anymore.  I could also feel the negative self-talk on the tip of tongue and thoughts, and knew I needed to re-frame this situation.

has my body changed over the past year? yes.
did this make the dresses fit differently? yes.

but then I though back to my mental state when I had worn all those dresses last, and I realized it was not a great one. I remembered how critical I was of myself and how much self-hate ran through my mind on a daily basis. I was miserable and incredibly self-conscious all the times I had previously worn those dresses even when they supposedly fit better and I was thinner. instead of just focusing on how my body looked at that time, I needed to look and recognize what my mental state was at that time as well. that's the the shift happened and when all the negative self-talk that was rising up began to disappear.

this moment and this re-framing helped to show me that being thin does not equate to happiness. when I looked in the mirror last week, I felt more comfortable with what I saw than I have in years and that's worth so so so much more to me than an old dress fitting perfectly. I'd realized I'd rather have the dresses fit slightly different and be in the process toward self-love, than a tad skinnier and feeling a lot more miserable about myself. life is just easier that way.

and you know what? I wore one of the dresses today and have felt wonderful all day.