Life Lessons.

I feel like life lately has been plump full of life lessons.

it's been a lot of growing up.

and realizing that it will never work out with someone,

but it'll be ok.

it's been a lot of realizing you absolutely have to do what is best for you.

life lesson #1: look out for yourself.

and don't allow people who can't respect you to stay in your life,

because reality is you don't need them.

life lesson #2: don't be so hard on yourself

my ex just started dating someone else.

and of course I had my little freak-out and wondering what she had that I didn't.

and then realizing that's bogus talk.

because I'm in a good place in my life.

I have job offers for next year. (LA and Atlanta so far)

I'm graduating a year early with honors.

I decided to stay in chicago for the summer.

 it'll all be ok.

and most likely, it'll be much better than ok.

life lesson #3: it's still going to hurt.

I'm also learning you still need to be realistic though.

life will not always be rainbows and butterflies.

I think sometimes because I have already had to go through some difficult things,

I get into this mindset that life should get easier and that I won't get hurt.

but that's not true.

and that's ok. 

because when you are pushed to go through something, 

that's when you also learn the most about yourself.

like I realized I'm never going to want to live in Iowa or a small-town.

so why was I trying to be with a guy who wanted that?

or I realized I really just want to travel and become my own person.

so why was I trying to be with someone when it felt restricting?

who knows. 

but the reality is it will still hurt for bit,

but then I'm going to be fine.

sometimes, you just have to learn to refuse to settle.

it's your life, you call the shots. 

My life's an Adele Album Part Two.

just in case you missed the first part, here's the link:

http://kelli-alisvolatpropriis.blogspot.com/2011/10/life-is-rough.html

I messed up.

again. 

my ex and I started talking again with all my heart stuff going on,

but I was pretty dead set that would be all we would talk about.

of course that didn't happen.

but at least I wasn't the one changing the relationship this time.

I didn't take it to the next level.

he did.

but of course I believed him.

and this week, while I am in midst of making the biggest choice of my life,

I find out he's been talking to another girl the whole time.

and I got played.

again.

and he's sorry.

again.

and he's admitting he messed up.

 again.

and that we're only having this conversation because he cares about her.

not because that's what's fair to me.

ouch.

but I'm not fighting over it anymore.

there's nothing left to fight for.

why fight for lies? why fight for the bullsh*t?

it's not worth it. 

he's not worth it.

because at a certain point, you reach a breaking point.

and you realize you deserve better.

this is my breaking point.

Midterm Week=Wearing a leotard as a shirt.

this week has been a tad too much on the doom and gloom side for me...

and this is exactly how I feel about that. ridiculous face and all.

(I am required to wear all black for Jazz Dance)

and all this studying for midterms has me acting real lazy,

so after dance today, I, of course, decide it is entirely too much work to change out of my leotard.

so this is what I ended up with:

plus I figured since I was already wearing a leotard and fake suede, I might as well add fake leather!

plus it disguises the fact that I am wearing a leotard as shirt. it's a win-win, folks.

also, if anyone knows anything about early modern China....get at me! that's my next midterm, and I can't even spell the names correctly so far. good sign huh?

Eating Disorder Awareness Month

who wants that small of a head?!

in case you didn't know already, February is Eating Disorder Awareness month.

I, of course, wait until Leap Day to post about this, but also it's not the easiest/most comfortable thing for me to talk about.

disordered eating has been something I've struggled with, and is still something that I still struggle from time to time now.

 it takes a lot of hard work to break out from the disordered eating, but it was so easy to fall into.

so please remember that healthy is beautiful.

and being skinny will not determine your happiness.

in fact, when I was my skinniest and at my worst with disordered eating,

 I was hands down the least happy I have ever been in my life.

and I've learned that I'd rather be happy.

plus, disordered eating wrecks havoc on your heart.

it stresses it out BIG time.

and at the time, it's easy to tell yourself it's fine and not a big deal....

but with all my heart problems recently, 

I can't help but wonder if the choices I made with disordered eating are the cause,

and that's something I have to live with.

so please choose to be happy and healthy! 

it truly is so much easier.

learn to trust the process.

life is crazy.

it'll take you off-guard.

it'll be overwhelming.

the people you invest hope in will disappoint you, 

and some will try to play you,

but others will also rise up and surprise you.

so believe in your own self-worth, 

and learn to trust the process.

it may not make sense now,

and you may be mad as hell (as I am currently), 

but realize it's leading to something bigger.

Need More Sleep.

this has been story of my life lately.

between interviews, taking the GRE, having 4 tests, and trying to work to save money for spring break,

sleep has not been present in my life.

until I took a 3 hour nap yesterday, and then couldn't sleep at night.

....and so the cycle conintues!

I really need to get back to my grandma schedule and be in bed by 11 every night.

and not drink so much coffee. jitter city up in here!

One Dress, Two Ways..

once, just plain with a scarf thrown over it...

and then for valentine's day!

I'm really liking it with a little striped shirt thrown over it.

probably cause I'm kinda lazy with my outfits, and this is supah easy.

PLUS, it was congenital heart defect week February 7th-14th,

which I found out from this lovely lady at Love Stitched, 

so wearing red was a must.