wwiw: keep it simple

it's autumn, and north carolina has started to get chilly.

so outfits are getting simpler and involving more and more layers.

also, I work up with 15 mins to get ready. oops!

hello bedhead!

linking up here today:

on 3 months..

I've officially been a part of The Abraham Project for three months as of yesterday. (yaaaaaay!!!)
yesterday also marked my first break-down cry-fest of year.

to be honest, right now I'm really frustrated. this week marked a year since I had last seen my ex, which is a HUGE deal in my life since I have known him since I was 3. it also showed me that I was strong enough to get out of an unhealthy relationship, and have the courage to walk away. but I when I realized it had been a year, I also realized I had no one to share that with in winston. through this program, I feel like I have a great support system at the church and with my roommates, but no one who I'm really close too. I'm not sure if it's because I still have trust issues.  Also, both of my roommates are in great relationships, which is great for them but honestly just makes me feel more isolated.

but in the end, it's not a terrible place to be. I need to learn to trust people more, and to open up to them. and I realized an important thing last night...I'd rather be where I'm at right now in life and a little lonely, than where I was last year. that's a huge accomplishment.

I  also found this gem on Kelsey Nicole's blog. It's written by Brenda Dell Casa.

"It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out."

source: http://strollwithoutshoes.com/older-favorites/

wwiw: fall colors and no shame november

blazer: thrifted banana republic. shirt: aerie. scarf: h&m, jeans: gap, shoes: steve madden

I cannot believe october is almost gone....but that means No Shame November is coming up.  This is a project started by my best friend last year (check out her blog: http://kathleenleahy.tumblr.com/).  Basically, the idea is that so many of us walk around feeling self-conscious every single day of our lives and ashamed of so many silly little things but these things seem so BIG to us.  by recognizing and owning the things that make us ashamed, it's so much easier to move forward.  we all have so much potiential and it's time to get rid of the shame that's holding us back. 

no regrets.

no shame. 

here's links to some of my posts from last no shame november:
intro: no shame november

no shame november: daddy issues

no shame november: food

no shame november: grief

no shame november: I'm lost

also, linking up here today:

wwiw: it's officialy boot sock season

ok so really cliche but I love fall. I love dressing in layers, and I especailly love wearing boots with fun boot socks. I also feel really lame saying all of this but it's true. gold boot socks make me incredibly happy. it's the small things people.

breaking out the portable heater in my room was definitely not fun though. 

linking up here today.

wwiw: ruffles, aqua, and pink

shirt: zara//sweater: j.crew//jeans: banana republic//boots: target//watch: target

a simple lazy day outfit: blouse, sweater, jeans, and a colorful headband. done and done! 



october goals.

so I really like making lists....and goals, so why not combine the two things?! plus, I been needing a little more structure and accountability in my life. not that I've been slacking on responsibilities, just that I realize some things are missing, like keeping in touch with college friends. also, I love october. favorite month hands down.

1. Get pumpkins and decorate them with the roomies! I really want to paint one this year. thank goodness for pinterest.

2. take the LSAT, and do as well on it as I possibly can. ( I take it this saturday. prayers/well wishes are welcome)

3. Go hiking

4. Work out on a more consistant basis- like 3 times a week perhaps?

5. Run the Ardmore 5K (october 20th!!)

6. Finish my advocacy project at work, and attempt to get my idea written into the grant proposal

7. finish my law school applications

8. work on building community within the house more

9. attend more church functions, and wake up for morning prayer more often

10. have a no-buy month for the month of october. so no new clothes/shoes/accessories/anything not essential

11. keep in touch with more friends from college. I've been slacking, and thinking that this has been making me more focused on being here but honestly I've just feeling disconnected from everyone.

12. decorate the TAP house more 



ps. I got the idea to post goals for this month from Shay at So Shay, so go check her out!

refocusing

so the TAP house has been having some problems lately. actually, there have been problems since the beginning, but many of us tried very hard to make it work and to still build community.

there's been tension and stress, and just overall bad vibes in the house for the past month.  we've tried mediated conversations between all of four of the TAP interns, but it quickly became apparent that those weren't working either.  grace was given, but not received in return.

unfortunately, Maryls has decided to leave the Abraham project. I know I speak for the rest of house when I say we hope for the best for her, and I hope she finds what she is looking for.  she deserves it.

a big sigh of relief has gone through the house. tension and stress has been lifted, and divisions are falling apart.  it finally feels like home.

prayers and sayings have gone up on the fridge, praying together is happening more often, pancake breakfasts are happenings.  happiness is finally spreading, and I can see how much we are going to learn from each other this year. instead of falling apart because one person left, we're getting closer. it's honestly been awesome to watch, and so reassuring.

we're refocusing.

what I wore wednesday



shirt: banana republic//skirt: h&m//shoes: steve madden//watch: target

today I woke up with 15 mins to get ready. I also get to enjoy my first work webinar today. should be great fun (jk).

linking up here today.

two months down, eight to go..

exactly two months ago, I arrived in winston-salem.  which means I only have 8 months left.
whoa.

I have one of those weird feelings where it feels like it's gone slow and fast all at the same time.
today, while driving for work, I thought of the blog post I did the morning before I went to the church for the first time to meet everyone in my programs. it was a list of intentions for the 10 months to come.
I honestly could not even remember all of them (terrible but true), so it's definitely time for a check-in...

the main thing I've noticed is that I definitely do not have as much free time as I thought. 30 hours at the food bank and 10 hours at the church does not leave as much time to things as I thought....and I thought I was going to be bored? that was naive.

so far, this program has been so much better than I expected and completely different than what I expected. we were welcomed with open arms, but at the same time kind of tossed into the fire and left to figure it out. it's all a learning process

I'm looking to the next 8 months, and hopefully they'll be even better than the past two.

intentions for the next 10 months:

- be present where I'm at - not worrying about people or things in chicago/iowa (I haven't had facebook for a little over two months now, and that's really helped)
- make a difference (working at the food bank allows me to do this on almost a daily basis-even if it is frustrating)
- grow spiritually (attending morning prayer as often as I can, and church every Sunday)
- read as much as I can. having a year off from school, especially after being a history/international studies major, is a welcome break but I don't want to learning for a year. (studying for the LSAT has pretty much foiled this intention for now)
- go hiking
- get back into running/yoga (starting to-registered for my first 5K! and went to yoga this week)
- learn to trust the process more, and not try to rush things.
- learn how to budget better/money isn't everything - should be easier since my stipend is tiny! (not easier at ALL! but I am forced to budget so that's good)
- cook more meals (I cooked with the crockpot yesterday, and have made a pie! progress)
- learn to cope with my grief (working on it)
- be true to myself, and really take this year to figure out what is going to make me happy.

high five for friday

1.beautiful morning drives

2. mat kearny pandora station

3. birthday celebrations

4. it's boot season! yay for first day of fall.

5. I'm going to carolina oktoberfest this weekend. bring on the beer samples!

linking up with from my grey desk here.

what I wore wednesday

shirt: The Limited//jeans: Forever 21//flats: Target

so when I got dressed this morning, I though to myself 'how many trends can I put into one outfit?' -ok, not really, but I did unconscienously ended up rocking the peplum, colored jeans, and animal print all at once today.

too much?

linking up at http://thepleatedpoppy.com/blog/.

my office space

as part of my almost two month update, I thought I'd give you all a peek into my office space. it isn't much (it's a cubicle in the break room), but I tried to make it a welcoming work space.

most of the stuff I already had like the flower, bowl, and buddha. the little push pin boards and the weekly dry erase board were purchased at Target from the dollar section (score!). now if only this could make me more productive and less sleepy every day....

a tour of the new room

the sign above my bed says "enjoy what you are"--thank you thrift store. also, yes, that's a corona below my night stand.

a huuuuuuge closet! kind of makes up for not having a dresser

I finally bought some mod podge, and made the two middle frames by using some sayings from some old cards. they turned out well! I also bought some chalkboard spray paint this weekend. sup craft time! 

dressing area

desk area...complete my new chalk board! might have forgotten to actually buy chalk...oops

reading nook with my new diy terrarium

a TAP update

since moving to Winston to start the Abraham Project and my year of service through the Episcopal Service Corps, a lot has happened and I've been horrible about writing updates even though it's kind of the purpose of this blog but at least there's been some cute outfits in between?

and on with the updates..

-the internship at the food bank is going well. I feel like I'm finally starting to figure out what exactly my job is and how to do it.  the food bank definitely moves at a fast pace, and everyone is swamped with work, so finding time to train me has been a challenge, no matter how much I try to learn on my own. my supervisor is also the previous intern in my position who then got hired....which can be intimidating but I also feel like it will push me to do my best this year.

 I went on my first FNS (food stamps) outreach meeting on my own this week and it was successful! I'll start doing my own outreach this coming week. 

also, since my stipend as part of the abraham project is seriously tiny, I applied for food stamps myself. it was definitely a learning experience.  part of my job at the food bank is educating about all the myths and stigmas surrounding food stamps, and while sitting in the waiting of Social Services, I had to confront some of my own stigmas.  

I started a food drive at the church, and am working on ways to involve the children and congregation with the food bank. so far, so good but lesson learned: I could never be a teacher..creating bulletin boards is hard work and definitely not my talent. props to all of you teachers!

my bulletin board//agency relations staff in the photo booth at the food banks 30th anniversary//
paper plate project//one of my favorite plates

-church life has been interesting. not bad, but just so much more than what I'm used to. I've been trying to go to morning prayer almost everyday, and then monday and wednesday nights also involve church activities.  it's a good change of pace, but as a little overwhelming. I feel like there's a lot of expectations   placed on me and the other interns, but I trying to figure out a balance between internship, church, and having a life.

birthday dinner for my brother jeff //apple pie
thrifting finds//new teal pants

-life at the TAP house has been going well.  we're all still trying to figure out how to live with each other. having four girls in one house is not a piece of cake. the rooms and who was sharing got changed recently so I now have my own room (and so does my other roommate molly)! honestly, this has improved a lot of things. I'm an introvert so living with 3 brand new people already stresses me out, and sharing a room was too much. 

september is always kind of a weird month for me. my brother jeff's  birthday is sept. 8th, so I planned a celebration dinner with all of his favorite foods on his birthday. this much more public than I normally am with grief, and especially with people I've only known less than two months. despite all of these, it went well.

it's weird to think that I'm only around two months into my internship and the abraham project but north carolina is already starting to feel like home. when I was looking at grad/law schools, I realized UNC was my number one. this wasn't the case less than a month ago. so strange how fast these things happen. I can't really explain it. now I just need to study more for the LSAT.....

molly and I had a candle light dinner last night. high rollers!

I also got a haircut, complete with bangs! they are a little short, but I giving it a week before I decide to hate them.

what I wore wednesday



sweater: j.crew//pants: gap//t-shirt: victoria's secret//wedges: target//necklace: forever 21

september is a crazy month, so it's been a lot of simple and quick outfits around here. also, little time for actual outfit photos (sorry!). life updates coming soon!

linking up at http://thepleatedpoppy.com/blog/.

ps. did anyone watch The Voice this week? what's with the parrot on cee-lo's shoulder? I miss the cat, and the tweets from the cat, but thank goodness blake and adam's bromance is still going strong.

what I wore wednesday

dress: Target//boots: Hunter//scarf: bought whil estudying aboard in France

Fr.Steve (the Abraham Project director) asked me if I was going to a funeral today...and then my roommate Molly snaped that photo of me dancing.  there's a 30% chance of rain so I took this as justification for wearing my green wellies. it's currently sunny and hot.

clearly, today is going to be an interesting day.

humble brag + great style

my best friend kat got inducted into the honor society for english at loyola (!!!!) this past week. she also has some wicked fashion sense, and texted me a photo of her outfit. pretty much made my entire week!

so proud! this girl can pull off bangs better than anyone I know.

labor day weekend

it was so great to have a full three days off of work in a row....much needed! september is looking like a crazy month with LSAT studying, food drive organizing, and lots of saturdays spent working.

this weekend has been pretty calm for the most part. I spent it studying, cleaning, and hiking around salem lake (highlight of the weekend for sure!). the hike ended up being 7 miles so my outta shape booty is soooooore!

the weather immediately after our hike. helllllo flash flood!

my roommate molly and I also rearranged some of furniture in the house (we lead exciting lives), and then decided to invite friend over to the house. this was first for the TAP house, and it was nice to realize after a month we actually do have some friends. wahooooo! plus it was an excuse to have a wine and cheese night.

I finally hung my new DIY project. all I did was lay some old dollies over a canvas and spray paint (thank goodness for pinterest), and it turned out great! and cheap.  cheap is my new best friend while living on a budget.

what I wore wednesday

no regrets

getting used to a new daily rhythm here in winston has been rough at times, but then I saw this quote and remembered the reasons why I came here.  

the roommate disagreements, feelings of homesickness, the debbie downs of LSAT studying, and the whole being dirt poor thing aside, there's no where else I'd rather be.

no regrets.

ps. I have my first big presentation at work today, wish me luck!

weekend re-cap

take me out to the ball game! friday night, all of the interns went to the winston-salem dash baseball game....and yes, the dash is named after the dash in between winston-salem. I thought maybe it was for dash like running fast? incorrect. the south got me again.

saturday was spent working a mobile pantry for the food bank. it was a long day but it was good to see deserving families drive away with enough food for two months.

the church newsletter was waiting for me when I came home that night, complete with another photo of me and a bio. at least this photo wasn't taken at harry potter world.

north carolina has been good to my cooking skills. I finally tried out our crock-pot sunday night. I didn't burn the house down, and I made some delicious creamy chicken and broccoli over rice. 

things I've learned about the south

*disclaimer: these are just my opinons and based on me living in nc for around a month so I'm sure they will evole.

1. people drive like idiots, and merging is seriously almost a death wish. granted, I am used to chicago driving but still.

2. there is a chick-fil-a on almost every corner. no joke.

3. men seriously do hold the door open for women....and get mildly irritated if you open it for yourself. they also will call you sweetheart and hun.

4. grits. people down here really like grits. personally, I've only tried shrimp and grits. it was pretty good but the shrimp were definitely the highlight of the meal.

5. BBQ sauce is different. it's not very thick, and kinda vinegary in nc. it's still pretty good, just not what I was expecting when I heard BBQ. plus, the guy at work from wisconsin knew all this, and purposely didn't tell me so he could watch my reaction when I ate it. RUDE.

6. Everybody talks a little slower down here. I didn't realize I talked fast until people have literally told me to slow down while having conversations down here.

7. Not a ton of people listen to hip-hop or rap.....especially not white girls driving saturn ions. lesson learned.

8. the south is actually making me like country music. all my friends back home would be shocked. I also want cowboy boots...and a cowboy. pleaseandthankyou

9. the south has sayings and phrases completely unique to the south such as, "Can I carry you home?" now if you're a yankee from the city like me, you immediately take this phrase literally and get creeped out. thankfully, one of my roommates was nearby and explained that this means driving you home. good to know! there's been many a time where I've not understood a saying or phrase.

10. it's the bible belt. like bumper sticker, pamphlets, churches on every corner, everybody asks you about your religion, jesus on my t-shirt bible belt. also, there's apparently snake worshippers in the mountains. I'll have to check into that one and get back to you.

11. good luck trying to find ethnic food like indian or thai or even sushi. no bueno.

but everyone is seriously so nice down here, and the comfort food is amazing. the slower pace of life takes some getting used to, as does the accent, but so far so good.

high five for friday

1. thrifted maxi dress for $8. score! see how I upcycled it and wore it here

2. yesterday, the other interns and I had a day off and we went to Reynolda Gardens for lunch and walked around

3. I got a letter from my best friend this week, and now proudly display some chicago swag at work

4. I'm going to a winston-salem dash game tonight...happy friday to me!

5. I saw this hilarious quote outside a store this week. I feel like this clarified some things for me haha.

I'm linking up for high five for firday with lauren at From My Grey Desk

What I Wore Wednesday

dress: thrifted//jean jacket: forever 21//scarf: bought while studying in france//earrings: forever 21

the hard part of living 1,000 miles away from home

..is when you get a call from your brother telling you your family at the hospital, and you start freak out. we've had bad experiences at hospitals, and at no fault of anyone, I'm always the last one to find out about any accidents. so, needless to say, I was about to have a heart attack.

thankfully, it was not a life-threatening accident. my stepdad broke his hip, which is incredibly painful but he was rushed to bigger hosipital and made it through surgery yesterday.

 also, as I made sure to point out to everyone, thank goodness our house has a handicap ramp in the back! (even though I complained about it daily since I always ate it on that ramp in the winter) it'll be perfect for the wheelchair, and make it easier for my momma to take care of him. I thought this was a great coincidence and hilarous that our house randomly had a handicap ramp that we didn't put in and now will end up using...no else has found it funny yet so far

everything seems to be going well and everyone back home is handling it well without me but at the same time, I'm realizing this is one of the situations where living so far away really sucks.

there's so many things I wish I could do..I wish I could be there to help my step-dad... I know I'm having flashbacks to when we had to go to the hospital when I lost my brother Jeff and dad so I cannot imagine what my momma and Curt (my other brother) went through being there and I wish I could have been there to support them...

but this is part of growing up. also, jeff's birthday is coming up so I need to figure ways of how to celebrate his life here in nc with the peopel that surround me here.

moral of the story: I need to find a support system here.

peplum trend

so for awhile I thought the peplum trend was ridiculous..and then I tried on this top at the limited. hellllllllo peplum trend, welcome to my closet!

top & belt: the limited//jeans: gap//shoes: target

weekend recap

it was a pretty calm weekend around here. lots of LSAT studying, farmer's markets, and cooking.

we decided to try out the grill for the first time this weekend...great success! only a couple of singed knuckle hairs in the process//the back porch is now decorated with plants from the local farmer's market//close-up of the hen and chick plant I bought-reminds me of home.

after three days of going to redbox, I finally managed to rent the hunger games//I have a huge obsession with sunflowers..and will take photos with paper ones at church//..and buy a bouquet of them from the farmer's market. no shame.

high five for friday

1. I received my business cards at work today. #rollinglikeabigshot 2. new wedges from target for $7! they were hidden in the clerance section behind a bunch of other shoes so I have a feeling someone is going to be very upset that I found them and then proceeded to purchase them (sorry!)... but I'm super pleased! 3. I finished reading "It's Kind of a Funny Story" by Ned Vizzini, and this was the last line of the book. so good. 4. color blocking for my work outfit this morning. 5. we tried a new recipe at the house last night, spaghetti squash! i had my doubts but it was really good