I love going home, and this thanksgiving break was no different.
Home is my center, it reminds of where I came from and what I care about,
But this break also made me feel incredibly lost in my life.
I feel like I’m going in a completely separate direction than a lot of my friends.
They’re getting married.
They have boyfriends.
They know vaguely what their doing with their lives.
They’ve got it together.
They seem to following the correct plan: go to college, figure out what you want to do, figure out who you love, get a job, get married and live happily after.
Two of my friends also bought wedding veils from my momma this weekend,
Which is wonderful, and I’m incredibly happy for them and they’ll look absolutely stunning.
And here I am graduating a year early for no other real reason than I want to.
I have no idea what I’m doing next year.
I’m not entirely positive I truly want to go to law school.
I don’t have a boyfriend,
And I’m ok with just being independent.
I have the biggest case of wanderlust also.
Even after living in the wonderful city of Chicago for the past three years,
I’ve over it.
I need a change. I want to travel. I want to see everything.
Even when I come home, I feel a need to get out of town for at least half of the break.
But I have no idea where I want to go
And I have no idea what I really want to do.
and I feel like I’m not following the plan.
I feel lost.
Some days I really want to just open a clothing store,
Others I just want to help my momma with her business,
But then again I know I also want to help others and do human rights work.
and most days, I just want to have some sort of an impact.
and most days, I just want to have some sort of an impact.
And I have no idea how all those things go together,
Especially when I have such a case of wanderlust.
How to do you combine a completely frivolous love of material things like clothes and shoes with a love to volunteer?
I’m not sure if you can reconcile these two things.
It’s scary, and I feel like the pressure is on to figure out my “plan.”
oh girl. even if you'd waited a year... you'd be in my shoes and I'm just as lost. You do what you can for a while. Weirdest thing, but also freeing, the day you graduate you don't have to have it figured it out. you get to do whatever the hell you want really, until like doing something else. Just pay your bills and don't act like an asshole. [one of the moral codes I hold in highest regard.]
ReplyDelete-blog on baby girl.
I understand exactly what you are saying here. The only part of my life I have figured out is the boy part. and who knows how fleeting that might be. I am graduating a semester early, just because I want to. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I don't always even know if Ag is what I want to do. yup, there would go the usefulness of my entire degree......
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in being lost. We both are wandering around trying to find a direction. There is no 'plan', there is social conformity. and you, my dear, have no need to follow it. :)