love always

so many good things have been going on in my life.
but yet, I still feel like something is off.

and then it hit me.
i miss my oldest brother jeff.
and i miss my dad.

I have already addressed grief here and here.
I still feel really weird talking about it,
but it's such a big part of who I am.

and I know I'm still running from it.
even talking to my best friend tonight,
and hearing her say I barely talk about it,
and that she knows nothing about it...
really made realize how much I do avoid it.

graduation tickets also got me down.
loyola gives you four tickets total.
and my dad and brother won't be there.
that's rough.

also rough to realize that you'll most likely end up outliving your brother.
i really don't know how to describe it.

beyond the fact that I really miss them,
and just hope that I can live my life in a way that honors theirs.

because they were pretty great.
and right now, that's how I know how to cope with the loss.

jeff on his wedding day.

i was pretty good at ruining photos

love always brother.

jeff and baby me.